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Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood-Lisa Damour Ph.D.

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • An award-winning guide to the sometimes erratic and confusing behavior of teenage girls that explains what’s going on, prepares parents for what’s to come, and lets them know when it’s time to worry.   Look for Under Pressure, the companion guide to coping with stress and anxiety among girls, available now. In this sane, highly engaging, and informed guide for parents of daughters, Dr. Damour draws on decades of experience and the latest research to reveal the seven distinct—and absolutely normal—developmental transitions that turn girls into grown-ups, including Parting with Childhood, Contending with Adult Authority, Entering the Romantic World, and Caring for Herself. Providing realistic scenarios and welcome advice on how to engage daughters in smart, constructive ways, Untangled gives parents a broad framework for understanding their daughters while addressing their most common questions, including • My thirteen-year-old rolls her eyes when I try to talk to her, and only does it more when I get angry with her about it. How should I respond? • Do I tell my teen daughter that I’m checking her phone? • My daughter suffers from test anxiety. What can I do to help her? • Where’s the line between healthy eating and having an eating disorder? • My teenage daughter wants to know why I’m against pot when it’s legal in some states. What should I say? • My daughter’s friend is cutting herself. Do I call the girl’s mother to let her know? Perhaps most important, Untangled helps mothers and fathers understand, connect, and grow with their daughters. When parents know what makes their daughter tick, they can embrace and enjoy the challenge of raising a healthy, happy young woman.BOOKS FOR A BETTER LIFE AWARD WINNER“Finally, there’s some good news for puzzled parents of adolescent girls, and psychologist Lisa Damour is the bearer of that happy news. [Untangled] is the most down-to-earth, readable parenting book I’ve come across in a long time.”The Washington Post “Anna Freud wrote in 1958, ‘There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves.’ In the intervening decades, the transition doesn’t appear to have gotten any easier which makes Untangled such a welcome new resource.”The Boston Globe

Book Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood Review :



My wife and I are high school teachers who work with dozens of teenage girls every year. Many of the points she makes are valid and in every strand and anecdote, I see certain past and present students and experiences. There is one major area of disagreement and inconsistency in her logic i find frustrating.On the one hand she states we should not just lay down the rules, we should explain their purpose in the context of safety, or personal social dynamics of future prospects. I complete agree. But then she basically tells us we HAVE to accept them breaking rules like drinking, smoking, going to parties, and sex. Because if we tell them no they will do it anyways. I reject this. If I explain the reasons for these rules, they should follow them. All studies show teenagers are better off careerwise, financially, and socially if they hold off on all of these as long as possible. We frankly do not care about their tribe when it does to their future. They will make more and better friends in college and career. Any friend willing to dump them because they did not drink at a party or didn't attend is not a real friend. No teenager needs to have sex and boyfriends and drama distract from the main goal...grades and career readiness.I am no prude, I know what teens do. But I will vigorous work with my daughter to make sure she understands our expectations and why they are there for her benefit.
I wanted to love this book and it took me a couple of days to realize why I left this book so dissatisfied and depressed. While Dr. Damour's description of adolescent girls felt familiar, it actually offers very little support and deeper understanding of why so many of our adolescents are suffering at such a wide and deep level--our teen culture is truly in crisis. Read Hold Onto Your kids by Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Mate for some sobering statistics on the current state of mental health with our adolescents. But unlike Dr. Damour, Dr. Gordon Neufeld offers a deeper understanding of the dynamics of attachment and child development and and how it is actually possible for parents to hold onto their kids through these tumultuous times and provide them with the support, love, and guidance that they ultimately need to mature, grow, and thrive. Untangled seems to resign all teens to their peer world, leaving parents to sit and hope and call in the professionals if it gets too bad. It simply under-estimates the true power of the parent-child relationship, particularly if this relationship has been the teen's primary attachment throughout their childhood. I would highly recommend parents keep looking past this book for deeper understanding of attachment and how much more they can be to their children and their teens.

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